Proud

Once again its pride month, and these last few years have been so transformative in terms of my self image and exploring myself.

I didn't expect to be able to attend the Pride day this year, as I had family visiting, which is fine. I'm proud within myself, I just love a good festival, especially when it is in aid of something important.

That being said I found myself free on the day, a little hungover but brimming with excitement, I put together a louder than usual makeup look and outfit and made my way to the bus.

It's so overly played out the opposing view that "where's straight pride?", or "you already have everything, why do you have to take up more and more space".

Here's two reasons, just from Pride this year, just from the eyes of one person, in one smallish city.

When I arrived at the bus stop, a man began small talk, and when I mentioned getting the bus up to the park, he smiled, "I remember pride in 1977" he said. "We were going up Union Street, and they threw paint at us as we went by."

Within moments, the reality enshrouded the conversation like chain mail. He chuckled about it, having come to terms with it, but it rang like a solo church bell in my core.

The music was fantastic, the weather was a little grey and it was windy, but the event was really great. Sitting on a picnic blanket and listening to the music and sharing community together was really a highlight, the spirit of the day was in those moments for me, sheer unbridled happiness, joy and celebrations.

A handful of kids on bikes began hurling abuse from the sidelines of the event. Laughing along, many strong and colourful words were thrown with increasing vigor. One particular word fired like a gunshot to all who could hear it, and I for my sins have the awful trait of freezing like a rabbit in the headlights, but for the anger amd hurt it would boil within me, I could've charged headstrong.

I want to use the word, in the hopes that it harrows you, the reader in the same way it was to me on that day. The place I am in my life, I align with pansexuality, and a more fluid gender identity, this word will not be used to hurt me, but for the absolute hurt and pain it causes the others in my queer community I cannot bring myself to type it.

Another chain mail blanketed the area around where the F slur was thrown like a grenade. A very small portion of the event was privy to this occurance, smiles erased, worry and caution hanging like a fog.

A handful of shouting children had not caused enough fuss for the event security to notice, but one man, who's bravery I will never know, met the energy in all of our defense, shouting his pride, "yes i am, so what?", and soon enough two event security were having words with the youths and they stayed in the area to keep an eye.

Atleast for me, it opened a discussion to talk with others about times in our lives when things like this have happened. It may be few for some of us, but it is very rarely none.

Pride is a celebration of who we are. It brings us together, we're here, we're queer, all of that. Pride is also a protest, for the hatred, discrimination, and outright crime that this community still endures for simply existing.

Perhaps ten years ago I could say "things are getting better for us." I can't say that now.

I am proud of every single person that has the strength and introspection to examine who they are, regardless of if that outcome affirms previous truths or not. If you can search yourself, stripped of your pride, your worldly image, and come away from that reaffirmed that the place you are at in your gender, your sexuality is correct, I fully respect that.

If I was to put it as a jigsaw. A jigsaw as our lives being pieced together from birth, by the time we're in our 20s, a lot of us have pretty complete jigsaws of personality. That being said, things in our lives can take a wrecking ball to whole sections of our jigsaw, it changes the colours and shapes of it, sometimes other pieces don't fit now, but it will be repieced eventually.

Some of us have pieces of the jigsaw that never really fit. "This piece goes in the triangle hole." The world says to you. You look down at the star shaped piece in your hand and can't understand why it doesn't fit right. You can live your whole life never understanding why that weird thing happened, maybe it was just the one time that the piece was the wrong shape, maybe it was many, but I think one of the worst assumptions humanity has made of itself is that our species, mentally, physically and spiritually, is binary.

I think I'll explore the jigsaw analogy in another post, as always I get wordy and carried away but c'est la vie!

Pride was a great day, I wanted to highlight in this post a couple reasons as to why I personally am motivated to stand with my community, especially with the ever shifting sentiments of the country.

I am a safe space, you can be yourself with me.

You are loved, and there is a place in the world for you.

Even when you don't have the strength to fight, we will fight by your side.

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈